love.

aye now i fanally know why she realized everything and confessed and blah. cos of mk blog. thats quite idiotic actually cos she need someone to push her. ah whatever i dont care anymore. but im afraid of incurring the wrath and hatred of both parties. later think im lyk 2 faced or backstabber then how?its not my fault that i got to bisect myself. and luckily you didnt come today. heng ah else im dead. and luckily toto also nvr come. but im so left out despite all my frens. lyk i got no proper clique in sec3. quite pathetic yo. haha but im better off then some. dont be too complacent :X

yupp and i had great fun today. eating m&m ccokies and chatting. and paying 1 bucks to mrs soh.haha its great being naughty for once. and attention grabbing. im sick of being guai and sticking to guai ppl. and i think i shown love by helping her find her wallet today. haha nice of me but if she suspect? hell who would want to steal pls? ahaha fun day. i should quit being a loserr.

oh so great.

ok so you finally said it. admit it. yeah oh great. just great. i dont even know what i want to feel. i think you deserve my love but i dont know whether it should be all. i dont know if i should submit to the devil. you asking me these questions and telling me stuff..you just makes it worst. and when you finally realize, i dont know how to deal with it. i secretly yearns for you to realize it but yet im not willing to forgive and forget. i want to but my heart just dont allow me to. i dont know.why isit lyk that? i didnt cry when you send me that msg. i cried in school. all the tears were yours. or maybe im just too tense up and have to release the flow. i dont know how to feel. im saying too many dont knows but i really dont know. i need help but i cant turn to toto. i really need support and someone to hear me out but it will not be you. i cannot tell you the truth. i dont want to hurt you more than your alr hurt. it pains me. or does it? i dont know. i really dont know. the inner turmoil within me is rolling. yes i know you love me. great. its time you reciprocate it you know. tell me what to feel. i think we need to talk. not only you and me. everyone must sit down and talk.

bitches.

great lunch great friends. yupp and we sorta bitched more abt it. planning and deciding what to do. confining and sharing feelings. in food junction. haha yupp pepper lunch and bubble tea (:

suggested that maybe we should just sit down and talk. lyk really talk.dont know. you think so? will it help? maybe or maybe not. i dont care anymore. im damn stressed.

weary.

im tired of it all. sick of all of your antics. i dont know how or what to feel towards you anymore. oh pls dont make me hate you. i dont want to take sides.i really dont want to hate you. why? why do i feel weird around you? why do i feel awkward and cant meet your gaze?why? why do have to escape and get a breather? pls dont make me hate you. i try to give you chances and i try not to sit with you. i dont want to cos i know i will hurt you. i cant be with you alone anymore. i feel just not right. thats why i ignored you and talk to ppl who you hate. im sorry. i know im being mean and its so bad of me. yes i know. but im sorry. in the first place, who ask you to cling to me? i dont like it. when im hugging and crying, you want to go toilet. when im crying, yes thanks for consoling me and giving me that little gesture that mean lots. but i have a feeling that you are fake crying. i cry cos i know i will hurt you in the near future. and you being the one im gonna hurt coming to comfort me is just so bloody ironic. i dont know if this will ever resolve. im going to me drag to hell by the devils soon. im lyk feeling-less now. i dont know. i really dont know. i lay in bed thinking abt this till late last night. i was anxious at what will be the outcome today. i was hoping for a non-existant miracle. and stupid fat ass saying that in front of you is mean. plain mean. im happy that i dao-ed her. treat her nicely horh. her exact words. i dont know. you are tormenting me indirectly.why? fuck i cant help it. i dont feel lyk squishing the seed of hatred inside me anymore. i feel lyk unleashing all my inner tormenting feelings onto you. i dont know!!!!! im tired.

forget all.

yay i got a blue dress! a balloon kinda dress. so chic and prettaye! todays shopping made me half broke. but its nice. i need such trips to make me forget the troubles of the world. sigh even nic feel the same as me yo. haha our shopping trip is under way(: anw, i feel so shitty and nasal and tired. i cant stand it. so nasal that i cant feel and hear myself. aye. and im bored. so bored. waiting for you to come online. hurry la. this stupid wireless is quite cool actually. albeit a tad unstable. hai i cant find nice metal cases. so sad. but i bought a dress. haha! a cool clubbing material dress! ok lets see what will happen tmr k. i have no bloody idea. i feel quite hungry now cos i ate lyk almost nth for dinner. cos i have been pigging out the whole day(: yay i feel good cos i shopped. shopping always makes me feel good. forget everything. thats it. thats the way(:

fuck

i cant stand it anymore. why dont you trust us? why dont you believe that we really care for you? i create this blog for the sole purpose of venting my confusion. thats why its plain and dull. cos frenship comes first. deco later. i dont fucking get it. we are not bloody pitying you. we are being nice cos we care. and as frens. why do you refuse to see it? im experienced so called. i have been thru all this shit b4. not once but twice. so i totally know how you feel.so dont fucking say your alone. i know how sad it feels, how gloomy it is and when it was my turn, no one, let me stress it. NO ONE was there for me. your better off than me do you know that? you still have ppl that care for you. so why do you still want to throw yourself into this kinda misery? all you can do now is look forward and plunge on. i know you will think emo thoughts and feel lyk dying but you have to be optimistic and face reality. solve the prob with her and you will be fine. we give chances just that the transition period is always the worst. the suckiest. i know i know. so quit lamenting. i thought you are an optimistic person. the cheerful one. so show it! you know your misery is affecting the ppl around you. those who bloody care for you. you dont realize it do you? we feel stressed too and sad. you are living in self pity so much that your veiled from those caring faces. come on. you got to be strong. thats all i can say cos very much is up to you. we can show support and be there for you but theres no way we can help you stand up. you got to do it yourself and show the ppl who hate you. we are sitting on the fence so dont push us down. im trying to squish the bad seed within so dont make me let it fluorish. if it really does, i want to see how you fucking survive. i know its bad. way bad of me but you have gotta know you dont have much left. so bloody treasure us and stop making us as spare tyres. we truly care. pls dont do this to yourself. i cry when i see your posts. my heart bleeds for you. but what for when you dont stand up for yourself? show us. we love you. lots. believe in us.